my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
