Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
