Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
