too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
