I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
