I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
