There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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