Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
