im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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