Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
