I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
