so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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