I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
