VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
