i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
