dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
