I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
