so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
