There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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