This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
