Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
