his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
