thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
