I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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