Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
