This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
