we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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