Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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