shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
