You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
