brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
