Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
pop tarts are not kleenex
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
