well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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