What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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