This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
