you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
