I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
