??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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