Umm I'm too high to move.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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