And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
