Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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