Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Randomize
