My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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