i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
