Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
false alarm. still invincible.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
