Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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