He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
