cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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