my vag is so smooth its legendary
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
