How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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