I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize