Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize