Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
