who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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