I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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