this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I cut my penus on the lid.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
this hospital has no fireball
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
