Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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