Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
