I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
