I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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