She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
