My first STD was from a foam party
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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