I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize