I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
