On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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