It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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