wakey wakey hands off snakey
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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