I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
