I skipped work to stalk him.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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