this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
