Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Randomize
