Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
