i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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