after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He? As in you personified your dick?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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