just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
