Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
