god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
