There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
