Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You took a bar mat shot.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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