Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
