Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
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